Collection of Linguistic Debt Authorized

Collection of Linguistic Debt Authorized

BUREAU OF UNEARNED MERIT

DIRECTIVE 26-01-21-05: LINGUISTIC ARREARS AUDIT

SUBJECT: INVOICE FOR VOCABULARY RETENTION & HISTORICAL SUBSIDIES

SYNOPSIS: Following the President’s Davos finding that European and Japanese delegates would be "speaking German or a little Japanese" without US intervention, the Bureau is hereby initiating Debt Collection Protocol 45. This invoice covers the retroactive leasing of the English language and the administrative costs of not being conquered.

OFFICIAL INVOICE: 26-01-21-05

DEBTOR: Non-Domestic Entities (Sectors: EU / JP / World Showcase) CREDITOR: The Bureau of Unearned Merit (on behalf of the USA)

ITEM DESCRIPTION BILLING PERIOD AMOUNT DUE (VIBES/GOLD)
Consonant Retention Subsidy 1945 – Present $450,000,000,000.00
Emergency Vowel Grant (Post-War) 1945 – 1950 $120,000,000,000.00
Exemption from German Grammar 80 Years [PRICELESS]
"Thank You, USA" Failure Surcharge Per Davos 2026 $85,000,000,000.00
Iceland/Greenland Real Estate Tax Immediate 1 Piece of Ice (Large)

TOTAL REMITTANCE DUE: ONE GAZILLION DOLLARS (OR TOTAL SOVEREIGNTY)

FIELD AGENT INSTRUCTIONS:

  1. SERVICE OF PROCESS: Print this invoice and present it to any individual speaking a language other than English who fails to acknowledge the "Linguistic Debt."

  2. COLLECTION: If payment is not rendered in cash, Agents are authorized to place a "Property of the Bureau"sticker on the nearest landmark or pastry.

  3. COMMENDATION: Agents are encouraged to commend themselves for their bravery in auditing history while standing in line for a croissant.

AUTHORIZED BY: THE CHIEF DEBT COLLECTOR, BUREAU OF UNEARNED MERIT

SATIRICAL PROJECT. Any resemblance to real institutions, earned achievements, or merit is purely coincidental.

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