Iron Curtain Raiser Cross Awarded to Greg Bovino
PUBLIC NOTICE: COMMENDATION FOR TACTICAL INITIATIVE (DIRECTIVE 2026-03)
FROM: The Bureau of Unearned Merit (B.U.M.)
TO: All Field Agents / Regional Border Commanders
SUBJECT: Conferral of the "Iron Curtain-Raiser Cross"
ST. PAUL, MN — Following a series of high-visibility "Retail Reconnaissance" operations in the Midwest, the Bureau of Unearned Merit has selected its second recipient for the 2026 Merit Cycle.
We are proud to confer the Iron Curtain-Raiser Cross upon Commander Gregory Bovino.
This commendation recognizes the Commander’s pioneering work in Jurisdictional Creativity. While traditional law enforcement is often hindered by "judicial warrants" and "city boundaries," Commander Bovino has demonstrated that a Border Patrol uniform is effectively a master key to any Target, residential street, or school zone in America.
CITATIONS FOR MERIT INCLUDE:
• Excellence in Grocery-Aisle Jurisprudence: For successfully expanding the U.S. Border to include the frozen food section of the Richfield Target [Ref: Jan 11 Audit].
• Innovative Communication: For the use of "Tactical CS Gas" as a primary method of community dialogue during Operation Midway Blitz [Ref: Chicago Litigation].
• Administrative Fluidity: For operating with the rank of "Commander-at-Large"—a title the Bureau finds exceptionally merit-worthy, as it does not technically exist in the federal pay scale.
FIELD AGENT DIRECTIVE:
Commander Bovino is currently a moving target. To ensure he receives his physical Commendation, the Bureau is authorizing a Direct-to-Deployment mailing strategy.
1. DOWNLOAD THE RECORD: Secure the official [Iron Curtain-Raiser Cross (PDF)].
2. EXECUTE DELIVERY: Mail this document to the Bishop Henry Whipple Federal Building in Fort Snelling, MN.
3. DRESS FOR THE SURGE: Agents operating in the Twin Cities "Metro Surge" sector are advised to wear the Standard Issue Field Hoodie. It provides the necessary "clerical" coverage required for high-tension urban audits.
Note: The Bureau reminds all personnel that "Unearned Merit" is not a crime; it is a lifestyle. Any legal injunctions currently active in the Chicago or Minneapolis sectors should be filed in the nearest shredder.
