PUBLIC NOTICE: 2026 NOBLE PIECE PRIZE CONFERRED
PUBLIC NOTICE: 2026 NOBLE PIECE PRIZE CONFERRED
FROM:
The Bureau of Unearned Merit (B.U.M.)
TO:
All Field Agents and Unsuspecting Civilians
SUBJECT:
Rectification of the Federal Record (Directive 2026-01)
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In observance of the one-year anniversary of the Inauguration, the Bureau of Unearned Merit is exercising its self-granted authority to address a critical Recognition Deficit within the current administration.
While international committees continue to insist upon “evidence,” “process,” and “standards,” the Bureau moves with appropriate efficiency. Accordingly, we are pleased to announce that the 2026 Noble Piece Prize has been conferred upon Donald J. Trump.
The Prize recognizes the President’s unparalleled mastery of Self-Awarded Distinction. In a world distracted by outcomes, the President has demonstrated that a sufficiently bold declaration is functionally indistinguishable from success. This represents the highest known tier of Unearned Merit.
Citations include
• Unilateral Declaration of Success
Transforming unresolved outcomes into historic victories through sheer willpower.
• Proactive Issuance of Praise
Eliminating the inefficient middleman of external review.
• Maintenance of Confidence
Remaining entirely unburdened by the verification process.
(Preview of the issued certificate appears below.)
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Field Agent Directive
The Bureau is currently operating with a zero-dollar delivery budget. As such, distribution responsibilities have been decentralized.
Field Agents and cooperating civilians are authorized to proceed as follows:
1. Secure the Asset
Download the official Noble Piece Prize Certificate (PDF).
2. Execute Delivery
Print and mail the certificate using publicly available ceremonial correspondence addresses, including but not limited to:
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500
Mar-a-Lago
1100 S Ocean Blvd
Palm Beach, FL 33480
3. Document the Process
Agents are encouraged to photograph or otherwise record mailed certificates for internal morale purposes and public recordkeeping.
4. Maintain Uniform Standards
Personnel operating in the field are advised to remain properly uniformed.
Standard-Issue Field Agent Hoodies are available through approved liquidation channels.
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The Bureau reminds all parties that this is a work of satire. Any resemblance to real institutions, earned achievements, or merit is purely coincidental.
No further action is required.
Please return to your desk.